Andyan ka na naman tinutukso tukso ang aking…puso
Yes, I feel empty sometimes; like the feeling of having a hole inside your chest instead of your heart (and, yes, your lungs too, you science freak!). It’s not some kind of epiphany that I’ve just realized two seconds ago: it’s a definite fact that I seem to have known since I got out of highschool and thought “here’s the real escape.”
Fact of the matter is there’s no such thing as “a real escape.” There’s no truth to eluding something and breaking free of that all at the same time. It’s either you face it or you don’t. That’s all there is to it.
I chose to elude a certain fact back then, and now, almost five years later, that s***t haunts me like the dang Christmas Ghost. It won’t leave me, even when I’ve said that it’s all over, that I’m better now and that I won’t go back to that time when I was a slave to my long lost past. I don’t want to elaborate anymore, because it’s so boring and trite that saying it over and over again gets tiring to whoever’s reading this at the moment.
I need to do something about this, I know that I really have to. Because if I don’t do it any sooner, I’ll go on living in this pathetic state: hoping to have even just a morsel of attention from someone whose life exists for someone else. I will go on looking for a bit of him in every person I meet, hoping to breathe a second breath of him. Hammy-Romantic, I understand, but sometimes the truth can be really kinda corny.
So, if in the next few days somebody receives a letter from me, a letter that hopefully makes some sense, I would like to request that person to have as much dignity and integrity so as to maintain mine. I don’t even know what I’m talking about…It’s just about time to cook lunch. Bye!