For The Man I Love

I love you.  I loved you then.  I love you now.  And, I’ll love you tomorrow.

I am not ready to give up just yet.  My love is not strong, it’s not perfect and it will never go on forever.  One day I am going to wake up and realize that I’ve outgrown my feelings for you.  But that day is not today, certainly not tomorrow, or, the day after that, it will come, I assure you, just not now.

I cannot tell you how long I am gong to love you; you know how very hard it is to determine the life span of a sickly asthmatic like me, but it isn’t hard to know when a heart wants so much to live eternally, so it can love you even longer than the physical body lives.  Poetic isn’t it?  This is the never ending malady of sentimental, foolish thespians like me.  If ia have to get it out, I have to do so very dramatically.

I love you.  I love you without questions; without hesitations…

Yet with enough considerations, so as to control fits of jealousy and obsessive rages of anger.  I am not a saint; not, am I the devil.  Iadmit my faults as a person; loving you make me think of really awful situations, but am still in the right state of mind so as to know that such thoughts are, but, improper delusions.

I love you, isnt that enough?

If you still question the extent of my love, will it help if I tell you that I’ve been writing since last night until today?  Will it help if I tell you that I loved you yesterday and I love you, still, today…maybe until tomorrow, or, the day after that?  Will it help if I tell you that nothing has changed?  That for three years, without so much as a glimpse of your face, or, a touch of your hand, or the sound of your voice, I still love you?  Will it help if I tell you that regardless of the day, time or season, I think of you?  That your face is the last image dancing in my mind before I drift away to sleep, and that it is still your face that I see minutes before I wake up.  Does saying these things even help?  Will it ever change your mind?

I love you.  When will you answer my call?  Will you ever do?

It’s not that I’m getting tired…just a little lonely.  Waiting isn’t much of a problem, it’s just that, sometimes, it gets a little sad being alone, being caught up in my own inhibitions.  It’s all right, I guess, and hopefully, tomorrow I may have a chance of getting over you…or maybe not.

i wrote this piece almost two years ago…around January of last year…just sharing the rubbish that I keep in my clear book. for the people who know me…ano sa tingin niyo, fiction or non-fiction. hehehe

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I’m pissed!

I’m pissed…And maybe nobody gives a damn about it but me.

I’m pissed, ’cause I have to wake up every morning to do the same things: feed my grandmother, wash the dishes, clean the kitchen, prepare lunch…ladida…

I’m pissed, ’cause I think I get no credit for the things that I do.  It’s the same thing everyday but I don’t get anything, not even a thank you or a pat on the back.

I’m pissed, ’cause maybe, I’m getting tired of being the "house in charge"…that it’s getting quite old.

Damn it…maybe I’m not pissed, just a little tired…just a little out of touch and, not to mention, bored.

Gosh…I’m shocked at how good it is to say these things…After the few opening lines, I ain’t too pissed anymore. Hmm…maybe I should do this more often, say how I feel…then maybe I won’t end up getting crazy and overly depressed.

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